Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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