Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
