We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
