Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Everyone says I win the strip club
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
