Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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