I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
