Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Randomize
