he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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