I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
