i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
