Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
