NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
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i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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