i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Send help, water and tortillas.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Randomize
