She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
