I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
