Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
