"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
