I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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