how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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