At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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