dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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