You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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