I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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