I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
