dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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