She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
