someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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