Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize