people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
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I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
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I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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