Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
