I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
