Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
