It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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