I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
