so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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