I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
