I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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