So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
