My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
