I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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