Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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