We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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