I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
