Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
