why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
