did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
