We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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