Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
