everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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