Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
