In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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