we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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