I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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