Small penises have feelings too.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
My balls are so social today.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Randomize
