Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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