everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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