you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
