my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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