There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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