I can text with my tongue
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Are we still banned from the library?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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