I got chris browned last night
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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