He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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