i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
