then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
