And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
