i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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