i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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