My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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