I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
