Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
