He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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