my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
