Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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